I’m not usually a super big fan of poetry (there are typically not enough rules for my taste and I get yelled at if I make everything rhyme), but when I was a senior in high school I took a creative writing class.  Much fruit was borne of it, including a short video some friends and I made about two guys liking the same girl and getting their frustration out over a game of Primal Rage, a fifteen minute  musical about a man in search of the world’s perfect chair (SB Theatre: Produce Loveseat.  It’s a cash cow.), and indeed some poetry.  The caveat with the following is that almost every single poetry assignment turned into an opportunity to poke fun at the teacher and her insistence that we be serious about poetry (before you get mad at me for haranguing my teacher, please know that she was no pushover – anything we dished out she gave back).

Most of our poetry assignments were “imitative poetry” things, where we had to read a particular poem and write a poem in a similar style or about a similar subject.  For the next couple of days I will post here, reprinted faithfully to their original formatting, a few of the things I wrote then and still find much funnier than anything I could come up with today.

Today, two poems on the subject of nature, probably written around the same time:

Nature Poem (has “Plath” written at the top by teacher, I assume because I was meant to be imitating Sylvia Plath)

Earthy brown.
Surrounded by teal pires
Blanketed by vibrant blue.
A man named Smith
Idles in his chair
In the ranger’s station, in the
Forest.
A national reserve, this forest is
Providing shelter to animals of
Differing hues, differing textures
Of fur.
One in particular, stands out.
A bear.  Brown bear.  Like the dirt.
A thief.  He steals food.
Picnic baskets from red and white checkered
Tablecloths.
He has perhaps been corrupted.
Tainted by “Do not feed the animals”
rules broken.
Always he is stealing.
He seems to know.  His gray
matter is working.
He’s smarter
Than the average
Bear.

Nature Sonnet (I have since relaxed my views on the outdoors)

Shall I compare a summer’s day to thee?
No, I think not; for nature is a sham.
There’s nothing worse than being out of doors
To demonstrate the “nature boy” I am.

That is to say; that I’m not one at all.
Manmade plastic is more “earthy” than I.
Leave nature to the animals and plants
If I’m outside too long I start to cry.

The novelty wears off after a while.
The bugs and pests begin to tear at me,
And after I go in and come back out
Nature’s the same, right down to each old tree.

So please allow me to express my hate.
And say that if/when Nature calls, I’ll wait.