I struggled for more than a few days with what exactly to write here, even though I knew what this blog’s final post had to be titled. Especially given the nature of the previous post, I felt like this one had to end on a positive note to counterbalance that post’s emotional gravity (ha). Like I had to come up with some sort of “you know what? God told me this and that’s why it’ll all be okay in the end. Yeah!” speech to end this blog with. I grimaced at the hole I had dug for myself, because I knew what people would be expecting (or at least what I expected them to expect), and what I would necessarily have to fail to deliver. I kept holding out, waiting for it to come, but it never did, and it’s time to move on.
And so, I apologize. I have no revelations for you. No big neon sign from God declaring nuggets of all-applicable wisdom that I could disseminate via this blogging platform. No audible responses to prayers written or whispered or thought, giving me hope to share with you. Nothing jumping out of the scriptures at me, enlightening me on some critical aspect of faith. Just life as normal. In fact, I am wrestling with more doubt now than I was at the outset of this blog, or really at any time between then and now.
But maybe that’s okay. I sort of don’t think that God is a god who operates like network writers around series finales. He’s probably not into pithy, bow-tie truths that you can package up and deliver in two hours, including commercials. He promised us peace, but maybe he didn’t promise it right now this second. He promised us life with abundance, but maybe he didn’t mean that it would come in the mail. Maybe that abundant life needs to be pursued just like any other life, one day at a time, one act at a time.
And maybe that’s enough of a revelation to end this blog on. Maybe it’s enough to come to the realization that I can continue to pursue Christ by being thankful, continuing to pray and absorb scripture, and loving others, even if I don’t feel certain about that pursuit’s ultimate success. A lot of these actions don’t necessarily require a robust and doubt-free faith, which is very lucky for me. Maybe that act of continually crawling back up on that altar to sacrifice myself day after day after day, of continually orienting myself toward the thing I believe to be true, is what’s important.
I suppose it’s now time to talk about that Something Else I promised a while back, with the then-clever tagline, “death is coming.” You can find that Something Else here: Ars Moriendi. This is a new blog that I am starting to document that crawling process, that dying to myself to become something better than myself. I hope if you read this blog that you will read that one too, and maybe join in the conversation.
Thanks for reading Black Holes and Revelations. I will end with a quote from C.S. Lewis’ novel The Great Divorce, which is one of the best books I have ever read. I hope it blesses you.
“Ye can know nothing of the end of all things, or nothing expressible in those terms. It may be, as the Lord said to the Lady Julian, that all will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well. But it’s ill talking of such questions.”
“Because they are too terrible, Sir?”
“No. Because all answers deceive. If ye put the question from within Time and are asking about possibilities, the answer is certain. The choice of ways is before you. Neither is closed. Any man may choose eternal death. Those who choose it will have it. But if ye are trying to leap on into Eternity, if ye are trying to see the final state of all things as it will be (for so ye must speak) when there are no more possibilities left but only the Real, then ye ask what cannot be answered to mortal ears.